I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
