the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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