there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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