Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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