If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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