Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
