I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
