That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she smelled like a LAN party
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
