Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
