so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
