I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bring me that man meat
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
