you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
