Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
