It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
