So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
