It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
