4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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