I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
