after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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