The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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