I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
