Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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