I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
