Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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