i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
