So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
there is puke in my bra ... again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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