we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
