I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
