You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
