I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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