PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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