Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
