Say something about gay babies.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
