Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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