It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
