Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
