He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
