grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
