Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
