he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She needs sedatives and a leash
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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