brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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