he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
