yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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