He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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