she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
