I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
