I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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