I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
