Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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