It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
