Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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