I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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