I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
