Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
