I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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