kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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