"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
