Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
