Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
