when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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