Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
