mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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