"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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