I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
