like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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