i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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