everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
