help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
