I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
