i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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