"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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