I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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