pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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