Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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