Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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