she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
